How to Write an Obituary

An obituary is a short biography written at the time of death. It announces the passing, summarizes the person's life, names their family, and — when relevant — includes service details so people know where to go to pay their respects.

It is usually published in a local newspaper (print or online), on a memorial page, or both. Some families also read a version at the service itself. The tone is almost always warm and past-tense. It speaks about the person, not to them.

Not all obituaries look the same, but most include these core elements. Gather this information before you start writing — it makes the drafting much faster.

• fiber_manual_recordFull name. Include their full legal name, any maiden name in parentheses, and any nicknames or the name everyone actually called them. (“Margaret Ellen Calloway (née Walsh), known to everyone as Peggy.”)
• fiber_manual_recordBirth and death dates. The full dates, and the cities if relevant. Age is typically included too.
• fiber_manual_recordA brief life narrative. Where they grew up, where they lived, what they did for work, what they loved. This is the heart of it.
• fiber_manual_recordSurvivors. Spouse, children, grandchildren, siblings. Listed in order of closeness, by name. Deceased family members can be listed as “preceded in death by.”
• fiber_manual_recordService details. Visitation, funeral, burial — when, where, what time. If details are still being finalized, you can note that or publish a second notice.
• fiber_manual_recordHow to honor their memory. In lieu of flowers, donations to a charity, or simply attending the service. Optional but often appreciated.
• fiber_manual_recordA photo. If publishing online or in a memorial page, a clear photo of the person makes a significant difference.
• fiber_manual_recordA closing line. Optional, but a sentence about how they will be remembered or missed gives the obituary a sense of closure.

Most obituaries follow one of two structures. Both work. Use whichever fits the person better.

Chronological

Start at birth, move through life in order, end at death and legacy. This works well for people with a clear arc — a career they built, a family they raised, a journey you can trace from start to finish.

Thematic

Lead with who they were — their personality, what they loved, what made them memorable — and weave the facts in. This works better for people whose life was defined more by character than career.

There is no rule, but here are the common benchmarks:

• fiber_manual_recordDeath notice (newspaper): 50–100 words. Just the facts — name, dates, survivors, service info. Some papers charge per word, so families keep these tight.
• fiber_manual_recordStandard obituary (newspaper or online): 200–400 words. Room for a life narrative, survivors, and service details.
• fiber_manual_recordFull memorial obituary (online only): 500–1,000 words. A true biography. This is what you post on a memorial page, read at a service, or share with family who knew them well.

A good approach: write the full version first, without worrying about length. Then trim it down to fit newspaper requirements if needed. The full version goes on the memorial page.

The part that takes the most time is also the most important: making the obituary sound like it was written about a real, specific person and not a generic stranger. Here is how to get there.

• fiber_manual_recordUse their name, not just pronouns. “David loved the Giants” lands differently than “he loved the Giants.” Names make the writing feel warmer and more intentional.
• fiber_manual_recordInclude one specific detail. The garden she kept every summer. The coffee mug he refused to replace. The way she always knew when someone needed a call. One concrete detail does more work than a paragraph of generalities.
• fiber_manual_recordAvoid obituary clichés. Phrases like “passed peacefully,” “touched many lives,” and “will be dearly missed” are so common they have lost meaning. Replace them with something specific.
• fiber_manual_recordAsk the family. If you are writing this for a parent or grandparent and feel stuck, ask siblings or a spouse: what is the one thing you want people to remember about them? Their answer usually becomes your best sentence.
• fiber_manual_recordRead it out loud. If it sounds like a form letter, revise. If it sounds like something you could say about this person at dinner, you are close.

Few things surface family tensions faster than an obituary. Who gets mentioned. What gets left out. Whether to acknowledge an estrangement. What to say about a complicated life.

A few principles that help:

• fiber_manual_recordSurvivors are typically listed by relationship and then by name. If someone is close but the relationship is complicated, list them or leave them out — but agree as a family before publishing.
• fiber_manual_recordAn obituary does not need to be comprehensive. It is not a legal document. It is a tribute. You do not have to mention painful chapters of a life if the family chooses not to.
• fiber_manual_recordIf family members disagree on wording, the person closest to the deceased — usually a spouse or eldest child — typically has the final say. Try to reach consensus, but someone has to make the call.
• fiber_manual_recordDesignating one person as the “writer” with others as reviewers prevents the obituary from being written by committee, which almost always produces something flat.

Most families publish in two or three places:

• fiber_manual_recordLocal newspaper. The town where they lived or where the service will be held. Many newspapers now publish online as well. Search “[city name] obituaries” to find the right outlet and their submission process.
• fiber_manual_recordA memorial page. An online page where the full obituary lives alongside photos, a candle, and service details — and where family and friends can share memories. This is what people link to on social media.
• fiber_manual_recordThe funeral home. Most funeral homes post obituaries on their own website as part of their service. Ask if this is included.
• fiber_manual_recordSocial media. A family member often shares a link to the memorial page on Facebook or Instagram. This is how most people under 50 find out about a death today.

If you are staring at a blank page, answering these questions first will give you material to work with. You do not need to answer all of them — just the ones that feel true.

• fiber_manual_recordWhat did they do every day that defined them?
• fiber_manual_recordWhat will their home feel like without them?
• fiber_manual_recordWhat did they teach you, without meaning to?
• fiber_manual_recordWhat is something they said that you still hear in your head?
• fiber_manual_recordWhat would they have wanted people to know about them?
• fiber_manual_recordWhat made them laugh?
• fiber_manual_recordWhat are you most grateful for?